On September 14, 2024, I married my soulmate in a dreamlike celebration held in Mexico’s wine country, Valle de Guadalupe. Two of my dearest friends, practically brothers to me, officiated our ceremony in a sun-dappled garden overlooking the vineyard. We chose a stunning Spanish-style hacienda, built in 1997 but with the timeless charm of an ancient villa. Its adobe walls, arched doorways, and grand central courtyard with a sparkling fountain created the perfect backdrop for our special day. As the sun dipped below the horizon, we danced the night away under twinkling lights and the soft glow of candlelight, surrounded by loved ones. The wedding was a magical blend of elegance and rustic charm, capturing the spirit of two of my favorite childhood films: The Parent Trap and Mamma Mia.
It’s astonishing how the simple act of celebrating a couple’s love has transformed into a $72 billion dollar industry, with the average U.S. wedding costing over $33,900. Given this extravagant trend, it’s understandable why many FIRE enthusiasts might choose to forego traditional weddings altogether. However, with careful planning and creative thinking, we found that it’s entirely possible to have a memorable wedding celebration without sacrificing your financial goals.
If you’re considering a wedding within your FIRE journey, here are a few tips that helped us plan and budget our special day.
Guest List: How many guests will you invite?
As a child of divorced parents, I dreamed of an intimate micro-wedding of no more than 30 guests. A secluded Italian villa, a romantic dinner, and a small, elegant dance party—a minimalist, Mamma Mia-inspired affair.
My partner, however, had a different vision. Coming from a large, loving family of eight, he couldn’t imagine a celebration without his entire clan. His ideal wedding was a laid-back country barbecue on a farm.
While I was open to the rustic charm, the idea of a large gathering filled me with dread. Not only would it be emotionally draining, but it would also significantly increase the guest list and the associated costs. If he invited his family, I felt obligated to invite mine, ballooning the number of guests from a cozy 30 to a daunting 80 or more.
Keep in mind that wedding caterers usually charge per guest. This means a larger guest list will directly impact on the overall cost.
Venue: Where will you get married?
Our initial wedding venue research yielded quotes ranging from a modest $5,000 to a staggering $60,000. This wide spectrum reflected our exploration of various options, from intimate elopements to grand international weddings. While this expansive search initially felt overwhelming, it ultimately empowered us to make informed decisions.
It’s crucial to meticulously review each venue quote. Pay close attention to the specific inclusions and exclusions. Some quotes may only cover the venue rental, while others might include a wedding coordinator, catering, bar services, and even decor. Remember, unless you’re opting for an all-inclusive resort, you’ll likely need to budget for additional vendors such as photographers, videographers, hair and makeup artists, and potentially party favors.
While a domestic wedding offers convenience, a destination wedding can provide a luxurious experience at a potentially lower cost.
Budget: Where will the money come from?
As early 30-somethings, we were determined to fund our wedding ourselves without relying on financial support from our parents. To align with our FIRE goals, we also committed to avoiding debt. Our budget had to be realistic, ensuring we could pay for expenses out-of-pocket or with credit cards that we could pay off monthly.
We briefly considered starting a side business to fund the wedding but ultimately decided it wasn’t the right fit for our timeline. Instead, we took a year-long pause to focus on our finances. My fiancé worked to pay off his student loans and fund his emergency savings, while I focused on growing my investment portfolio. By the end of that year, we had not only achieved our $30,000 wedding savings goal but also significantly improved our overall financial situation. (I’ll share more about our strategies in a future post on lifestyle arbitrage.)
While it’s common in the US for parents to contribute to their children’s weddings, we chose a different path. If you’re open to parental support, have an honest conversation with them about their willingness and ability to contribute.
Before moving forward, it’s crucial to have a thorough understanding of you and your partner’s financial situation. Financial incompatibility is a common cause of marital stress, it is estimated that every 4 in 10 marriages end due to financial problems. Take the time to assess your assets, debts, and future financial goals. Be honest with each other about your spending habits and expectations. This upfront work will set a strong foundation for your marriage and help ensure a financially secure future.
Conclusion
While the stunning venue and breathtaking scenery were straight out of a dream, it’s the simple, heartfelt moments that truly made my wedding day unforgettable. The sight of my 8-year-old nephew, tears streaming down his face as he witnessed his first wedding and expressed how happy he was for me, and the image of my dad dancing the night away in his white, bedazzled sunglasses with my wedding date plastered on the lenses—these are the memories that will forever hold a special place in my heart. And perhaps most importantly, seeing loved ones from both sides of the border gathered for the first time ever, united in celebration.
Ultimately, these precious moments would have been just as meaningful in a simpler setting. The extravagant venue and lavish decor, while beautiful, are not what truly define a wedding.
If you’re a newly engaged couple, remember that a perfect wedding doesn’t require a fairy-tale budget or a lengthy guest list. Prioritize what truly matters to you and your partner, and don’t feel pressured to conform to societal expectations or parental wishes. Your wedding should be a reflection of your unique love story, not a competition or a financial burden.
Congratulations on your engagement, and may your wedding day be filled with love, joy, and unforgettable moments.
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